I feel almost ashamed to admit it given all that is going on in the world, but yesterday I had a moment of genuine happiness. I finished up my workday and went for a walk along the West Side Highway. After a dreary day of rain, the sun finally broke through the clouds and the air was warm. As I walked, I was listening to The Strokes’ “Under Cover of Darkness,” a song I rediscovered from high school. That’s when it hit me - this was one of those good moments. Despite the enjoyment, as I continued to walk, I felt some shame for feeling happy. How could I be having a good time, in spite of all this?
During the quarantine, the news often feels oppressive. When I do read the New York Times, there is a map of death and sickness front and center - I tend to avoid reading the news too regularly for this reason. Needless to say, the world at large is undergoing a rough time. At first, I felt a sense of duty to help fix the problem. How could I go about spending my time-saving lives or helping the front line workers who are struggling or helping those who have lost their jobs? As the quarantine settled in, and my actual day job became busier, I started to ask myself. Do I need to be contributing to the greatest cause at any given time? Or is it ok to just choose a goal and continue to focus on it, in spite of everything else? I’m fortunate enough to have a job and like it. Does it matter if it’s not working towards the cause of the moment?
I have sunk into a comfort knowing that there are other people addressing this crisis. It’s really inspiring to see the health workers in New York City have fared, given the magnitude of the situation. However, that is not who I am - all I can do is thank them and follow the recommendations they ask me to do. Every day at 7, I stick my head out the window to say thank you in the small way I can. Similarly, I continue to quarantine myself and avoid people as much as possible. I try to order food from local businesses to keep them going. They are little things - maybe they help. Soon - hopefully - this period will pass and the world will be indebted to those who sacrificed their health and well-being to stop the spread of Coronavirus. For now, I’m mixing thinking about the crisis and what I can do to help, with finding moments of happiness.
I finished The Sopranos yesterday (no spoilers I promise). Tony, the show’s lead, has a moment in the last episode where the sun sparkles in his eye. Despite everything else that is going on in his life, a sense of contentment comes over him. Tony lives a life full of violence, conniving and stress, but despite all of this, he searches for the good moments in the things he loves - his family (or families) and his house.
As I’ve mentioned, I’ve fallen into a “Quarantine Routine.” It’s hard to escape the monotony of the day-to-day without seeing people. Recently, music has become a big part of my “socially distanced” social life. My friends will make fun of me because I post what I’m listening to my Instagram StoriesUsually, I share a song in the morning when I wake up or go for a walk. It is a way of documenting my moods over time. While I like writing, I find that music I listen to is highly correlated with my mood. Surprisingly, people respond - although less to the Trap/Rap than the Indie/Alt. I hear from people I haven’t talked to in ages on Instagram commenting on a song or sending me new recs. It’s been a nice way to keep a variety in my life.
Another surprising result of the Quarantine is the connection those in my building have made with one another. New York City has very limited outdoor space, so we spend time on our roof overlooking Chelsea. Tommy and I have run into a few of our neighbors up there. Many of them have spent 2+ years in the building without meeting neighbors from other floors. They are all interesting. One is Franch man who designs menswear for Calvin Klein menswear - I peppered him with questions about how to find good, cheap Jeans. Another works on reality TV shows as a writer. We sit on the roof and drink wine or beer at a safe distance. As the sunsets over the buildings of Chelsea, we talk and drink. Similar to the walk, it was a moment of simple enjoyment. It’s all we can do in a time like this - continue to appreciate the good moments.
This is great, I’ve had similar moments where I think to myself, why does he keep posting music on IG...;) just kidding — you gotta keep finding those hidden gems even if current times make it harder to do so.
Beautiful very moving