I wanted to continue the tradition of writing on my birthday this year. Since I’ve started writing this blog, I’ve used my birthday to reflect on the previous year. In 2019, I was in Seattle sitting at a coffee shop in Fremont. Last year, I was stuck in my apartment in New York City. This year, I’ve been thinking about how a birthday is equally a time to look forward as it is a time to look back. We celebrate the fact that another year has passed, but also a new year is going to come. this year, it makes more sense to talk about moving forward.
The day before my birthday this year, I saw a tweet from some Richard Feynman quote account.1
I thought this quote captured something I’ve always known about birthdays, but never really formalized - every year things change, and who knows what will happen in the next one. As each year passes, I change in ways I could never expect - most of the time unintentionally, but sometimes on purpose.
My 27th journey around the sun was spent mostly in a dystopian version of New York City. America was ravaged by a pandemic and most discourses were around intense civil and political conversations. America felt really nasty and scary at times, and it still does. Things were shut down and everything moved online.
At many points, that forced me to spend a lot of time with myself or a few people. It was very easy to feel disconnected from the problems going on more broadly, and in doing that get wrapped up with my own problems. Or worse, nose in my phone doom scrolling on the latest issues. Fortunately, I had an outlet building Fig - which took up enough of my mental capacity that most nights I would vegetate on the couch and watch TV - a lot of TV. I was also fortunate to have my movement group that I keep in touch with, which gave me an outlet to get out of the apartment. One of the nicest changes was when I finally joined a gym.
Then in March/April, my friends, family, and I got access to a vaccine. Science has been confusing this year - do we wear masks? How does coronavirus spread? - but, one thing has been consistently clear: the covid vaccines are a scientific miracle. For all its problems, this is where the American healthcare system shines. Suddenly, it felt like there was light at the end of the tunnel.
The vaccines have given new life to the city. It’s hard not to look forward because the world feels completely different now that many of my friends and family are vaccinated. Masks have become optional in a lot of places, although I will still wear them often out of habit. Bars, restaurants, entertainment is all opening up and the people of New York are coming out of their collective shells and reconnecting. And what a better time to embrace that than my birthday.
For much of the year, I felt as if I were floating. Once you get a few years out of school, you no longer have a clear ladder to climb — you have to decide for yourself what kind of life you want to lead. And that process is not instantaneous. I’ve spent the better part of the past few years trying to do this and it’s hard and frustrating. You feel like you are making progress, finally finding hobbies, your people, and your places.
Then, something changes. This is why the Feynman quote is so relevant to birthdays: change happens, but you are in no obligation to go back to the same point you were at before. You can move, you can change jobs, you can adapt in different ways. Life becomes one giant experiment.2 As things open up, there is no reason you have to go back to exactly how you were before the quarantine. In fact, I’m sure most people have changed in some way.
So what do I want for the 28th year? I’m not sure yet. I still feel like I’m floating - maybe that’s something to get used to for the next few years. I do know a few things that are true for me:
Investing in connections with friends, family and being happy with work is one of the most important things you can do.
Investing in hobbies and practices over experiences seems to give me a deeper connection with my time.3 That said, I still want to start surfing.
Having beers with friends is a critical part of life. Having too many beers with friends is probably not.
I should loosen my proverbial grip on the golf club of life - if you grip life too hard, you are going to get blisters regardless of how well you hit the ball.
Inevitably, there will be times where you feel on top of the world, and times in which you feel as if nothing is going right.4
It’s within that context that the next year will unfold for me. I’m excited for the summer in the city with my friends and family, but I’m also quickly getting reminded what 90 degrees on NYC pavement feels like. As things open up, I will be enjoying them and spending time with the people who I couldn’t see as much the past year. And after that who knows, maybe it’s time to run a new experiment.
Yes, I’m a sucker for these.
Risk thinkers would say this is true, but you don’t want to expose yourself to a risk of going to zero. Some examples: running out of money, losing your home, etc. There is nuance as always.
That said, I still want to start surfing.
Like the day I accidentally cooked my Instapot instead of my eggs. Sorry, Tommy.